wordsout by godfrey rust
< all souls >

The Bewespeak calypso

for Richard Bewes, to a moderate West Indian beat with not too much close attention paid to the number of syllables in a line

Well I ‘spect you probly realise
that we live in a world of fashion
and that the latest dance and style of clothes
will be followed with a jealous passion
and they all talk about bein’ millionaires
with the latest Fleet Street bingo
but the craze that’s taking off everywhere
is a brand new kind of lingo—
    they call it Bewespeak,
    and so I done some research
    and found they’re talking Bewespeak
    down at the All Souls Church!

Well I like a John Stott sermon,
it’s so biblical and contempor-a-ree,
and I can take three points at any time
when they’re applied by old ACJC,
and when Roger’s in the pulpit
I know he won’t keep us in the dark
about the very latest exploits
of Mushy and Thomas and Mark
     but gimme that Bewespeak
     on any day,
     I just love that Bewespeak—
     I get so carried away!

Well it’s a whole new way of talkin’
with a new set of words to fit—
You gotta sayI think we’ll pray now
and when you finish you sayStop it!
It’s a whole new style of diplomacy
and the gentlest you can get—
cos when you know someone hasn’t done something,
you say he hasn’t done something yet
     When you talk in Bewespeak
     the truth comes out—
     when you mean precisely,
     you always say about.

Well you know I like the weekend,
but it seems to go so quick
I see that Monday morning creeping up
and I’m feeling pretty sick
but at the Sunday evening service
when the outlook’s really grim
I know my spirit’s gonna lift when Richard say
Why don’t we sing a hymn?
     You can read about Bewespeak
     in the Rector’s letter
     or at the Prayer Gathrin,
     saying I feel bet-ter!

At the Invitation Service
he’s puttin’ them through the hoop
with the aid of the audio visual
and the songs from the lit-tle group
and then he leans across the pulpit
and looks the sinners in the eye
and says You come and see me afterwards
(and I think perhaps that Christine Potter
and a few friends might just be standing by…)

     When you talk in Bewespeak
     it’s no problem at all
     to get them drinking
     a drop of coffee in the Waldegrave Hall.

There’s just a few drawbacks to Bewespeak
(though the problems are very slim)
it's just that sometimes we don’t get
     the collection
taken till after the final hymn,
and then comes that special moment
when he preach on a stirring text
and he turns dramatically to the congregation
and says: Now, what comes next?
     Oh it’s part of Bewespeak,
     and it’s got many fans
     and we don’t mind it Richard
     that you forgot to read our Banns…

Now Richard the Rector is a real cool case
and he never lets himself be taxed
he got away of talking to a total stranger
bound to make him feel relaxed
and at times I think he’s so laid back
he’s going to fall over—
but if you want to get him quite worked up
just say McEnroe or Navratilov a
     Oh when you’re talkin’ Bewespeak
     it can be such a menace
     when someone interrupts you
     with Anyone for tennis?
Now the Bewespeak phenomenon’s catchin’ on,
it’s the latest All Souls wonder
you can hear it from the Hall to the
     Welcome Desk
and from the Forum to the Rotunda
and the whole church gettin’ the habit
faster than computer games
you can see them with their notebooks
on the the Piccadilly Line
memorising all the different names
     Oh this thing called Bewespeak
     has got them so confused—
     people walking up to each other
     and say Hello, I’m Richard Bewes…

Well the hour is getting’ on a bit
and I’ve almost done my rhyme
and if you thought it wasn’t too bad
then we can do it again sometime
and you know we love that Bewespeak
cos it comes right from the heart
so let’s tell them what we think about
     Richard and Liz
(and Roger, why don’t you start…)
     Oh we love that Bewespeak,
     and don’t you leave us please
     unless you’re teaching Bewespeak
     to a whole diocese!

Performed at All Souls, Langham Place, in December 1984 for Richard Bewes' 50th birthday.

ACJC Rev Andrew Cornes, Director  of Training at All Souls at that time.

Roger Rev Roger Simpson, Director of Evangelism at All Souls at that time.