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The Bewespeak calypso

for Richard Bewes, to a moderate West Indian beat with not too much close attention paid to the number of beats in a bar

Well I ‘spect you probly realise that we live in a world of fashion
and that the latest dance and style of clothes will be followed with a jealous passion
and they all talk about bein’ millionaires with the latest Fleet Street bingo
but the craze that’s taking off everywhere is a brand new kind of lingo—
         they call it Bewespeak, and so I done some research
         and found they’re talking Bewespeak down at the All Souls Church!

Well I like a John Stott sermon, it’s so biblical and contempor-a-ree,
and I can take three points at any time when they’re applied by old ACJC,
and when Roger’s in the pulpit I know he won’t keep us in the dark
about the very latest exploits of Mushy and Thomas and Mark
          but gimme that Bewespeak on any day,
          I just love that Bewespeak—I get so carried away!

Well it’s a whole new way of talkin’ with a new set of words to fit—
You gotta say I think we’ll pray now and when you finish you say Stop it!
It’s a whole new style of diplomacy and the gentlest you can get—
cos when you know someone hasn’t done something, you say he hasn’t done something yet…
          When you talk in Bewespeak the truth comes out—
          when you mean precisely, you always say about. 

Well you know I like the weekend, but it seems to go so quick
I see that Monday morning creeping up and I’m feeling pretty sick
but at the Sunday evening service when the outlook’s really grim
I know my spirit’s gonna lift when Richard say Why don’t we sing a hymn?
          You can read about Bewespeak in the Rector’s letter
          or at the Prayer Gathrin, saying I feel bet-ter!

At the Invitation Service he’s puttin’ them through the hoop
with the aid of the audio visual and the songs from the lit-tle group
and then he leans across the pulpit and looks the sinners in the eye
and says You come and see me afterwards (and I think perhaps that Christine Potter and a few friends might just be standing by…)
          When you talk in Bewespeak it’s no problem at all
          to get them drinking a drop of coffee in the Waldegrave Hall.

There’s just a few drawbacks to Bewespeak (though the problems are very slim)
it's just that sometimes we don’t get the collection taken till after the final hymn,
and then comes that special moment when he preach on a stirring text
and he turns dramatically to the congregation and says: Now, what comes next?
          Oh it’s part of Bewespeak, and it’s got many fans
          and we don’t mind it Richard that you forgot to read our Banns…

Now Richard the Rector is a real cool case and he never lets himself be taxed
he got away of talking to a total stranger bound to make him feel relaxed
and at times I think he’s so laid back he’s going to fall over—

but if you want to get him quite worked up just say McEnroe or Navratilova
          Oh when you’re talkin’ Bewespeak it can be such a menace
          when someone interrupts you with Anyone for tennis?

Now the Bewespeak phenomenon’s catchin’ on, it’s the latest All Souls wonder
you can hear it from the Hall to the Welcome Desk and from the Forum to the Rotunda
and the whole church gettin’ the habit faster than computer games
you can see them with their notebooks on the the Piccadilly Line memorising all the different names…
          Oh this thing called Bewespeak has got them so confused—

          people walking up to each other and say Hello, I’m Richard Bewes…

Well the hour is getting’ on a bit and I’ve almost done my rhyme
and if you thought it wasn’t too bad then we can do it again sometime
and you know we love that Bewespeak cos it comes right from the heart
so let’s tell them what we think about Richard and Liz (and Roger, why don’t you start…)
          Oh we love that Bewespeak, and don’t you leave us please
          unless you’re teaching Bewespeak to a whole diocese!

Performed at All Souls, Langham Place, in December 1984 for Richard Bewes' 50th birthday.  

ACJC Rev Andrew Cornes, Director  of Training at All Souls at that time.

Roger Rev Roger Simpson, Director of Evangelism at All Souls at that time.