WordsOut poems by
Where there's a Will
When the vicar
to the tune of “When the music fades” by Matt Redman.
When the vicar goes all is stripped away
And the bishop comes
Longing just to find someone that will fit
What the parish wants
The job description is done
Now the PCC waits
For applications to come
But while the future’s on hold
Is there someone who cares
about the time in between?
Chorus
We’re
moving into an Interregnum
So it’s all down to you
Yes it’s all down to you, Sarah
Mark’s overworked
Tom is oversleeping
So it’s all down to you
Yes it’s all down to you, Sarah
with the one we seek!
He*’ll have a common touch, but be as good as John Stott
at New Testament Greek
Mother Theresa reborn with the patience of Job
and jokes by Ricky Gervais,
and while this Superman** waits to make our future come true
the present won’t go away…
*or
she **or woman
Repeat chorus
The Four Bald Men of the Apocalypse
to the tune of “Great is the darkness” by Noel
Richards. Performed by
When leaders desert their own flock!
Curates are sinking in deepest despair—
Youth
leaders are reeling in shock.
But be not afraid! Do not fear!
The bald men with glasses are here!
Chorus
Be
Bald—
Be Bald—
This is the trend of today!
Be Bald—
Be Bald—
Obey us or else there’ll be hell toupée.
And jeans that hang down to their knees
Can’t cope with the pressure when faced with the storm -
We’re so much more streamlined than these!
Maturity rests on our brow—
So
witness the spectacle now!
Chorus
We’re wardens of wisdom and worth—
We patiently type in our laptops until
The geeks shall inherit the earth
Girls can make coffee (that’s fair)
But women have far too much hair!
Chorus
Where
there’s a Will there’s a way!
steady 4/4 Country
talking blues
He was 6
foot 2 and a hundred pounds
When he drove out of
As the M4 burned beneath his missionary zeal
He’d turned the inner city inside out
But now the time had come and he had no doubt
He had
and he tended the sheep in his little fold
with a patience that could make Fidel Castro shave.
With a gentle case of religious mania—
an appointment with a dentist from
Fangs for the memories you gave!
Now nine
years on and he’s leaving Ealing
and he hasn’t aged a day, though I’m now revealing
there’s a picture in the attic that looks like Dorian Gray.
His hair’s still black, he isn’t any fatter
It’s more than mind working over matter
cos where there’s a Will there’s way!
He was a
“can do” man every working day
He saw the glass half full (mostly anyway
except when having working lunch at the Rose and Crown)
He had the “vision” thing to keep his eyes on
He’d fix his gaze to the far horizon
and said “you only see the doggy-do if you’re looking down.”
With his pencil poised and that puzzled look
while the sermon deadline slowly ticks away.
But any needy person, when their life’s not right
can ring his front door bell, any day or night
(though he’ll usually be off on holiday).
put the boot in the football and the Soul in Ealing
rebuilt the crypt and the money was OK.
He said “The cash will come with a lot of prayer!”
(though it helps to have a warden who’s a millionaire)
and where there’s a Will there’s a way!
He was a
sporting man it was plain to see,
believed in muscular Christianity
(though where the muscles were wasn’t always very clear)
He’d think a Lord’s day would mean a game of cricket
and if his team is going to play and he doesn’t have a ticket
he’ll go hang round Wembley just to get the atmosphere.
Still
he’s not content to be a mere spectator
And in spite of his skills as a negotiator
he couldn’t a find anyone who would ever let him play.
So he started a team so he could then play in it,
he began a League so they could go and win it—
where there’s a Will, there’s a way!
that one day he could manage a Premiership team
would he swap his job for Fergie’s, who can say?
Though he believes that the Lord is coming soon he
finds the quickest way to heaven is a goal by Wayne Rooney
and where there’s a Will there’s way!
He was a
quiet man with a ready smile
And he spoke in a careful, measured style
He never raised his voice except to say “Come on you Reds”.
When he preached he would sound as if in a dream
Like the murmur of some distant stream
(though he might murmur quite loud to get his kids out of their beds).
Like a refugee from a different time
where to be polite was not a social crime
he was gentle man (except at a
He’ll treat anyone as a sister or brother
Cause he’s always forgetting something or other
he forgot to bring his ego when he came.
- we never did get that wheelchair lift
but we can prophecy and get pictures when we pray.
and ‘cos speaking in tongues makes some people nervous
he calls it the Burmese and the Arabic service
for where there’s a Will there’s a way!
You think
a 3 point sermon and an old school tie
would be a barrier about ten miles high
but selflessness can blow it all away.
From the world where there’s honey still for tea
to be a child of the 21st century—
where there’s a Will there’s way!
He got his work-life balanced like a well-planned diet
with Ruth James Ellie Katherine and Jazz and Ben.
He was secure if he was criticized, because
he knew exactly who he was
Even though he forgot where he should be every now and then.
Well now
we’ve lost our Will, we’ll soon be robbed of Joy
like a child without our favourite cuddly toy,
And we’re going to be Ruthless every day.
And while Sarah laughs and Thomas doubts
And Mark reads and learns what leading’s all about
Your family leaves a gap that won’t go away.
(some say they’ll miss your preaching but that’s just a rumour)
We’ll miss the love you gave us every day.
Your faith in God brought us together—
You left us with a lesson we will keep for ever—
where there’s a Will there’s a way!