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Homage to Matt Read
loosely
in the
style of Harry Baker, for Matt's Gap Year
fundraiser, 2011
Tonight
its right to pay up for Readie
he’s not greedy but he’s needy
to get a stash of cash
not because he’s being flash
because he’s found a position
with Youth With A Mission
and it wont be long till he belong in Woolongong
which I may have pronounced completely wrong
he goes to New South Wales
to learn some new south tales
and then sets his sails to float on the boat
to south east Asia
to do things that will shock and amaze ya
and anyone over 40 knows that rhyme’s not
from me
but I stole it from Muhammad Ali
who fought Joe Frazier in the thriller in Manila
in the Philippines not far from where Matt will go
with YWAM to Vietnam
or the highland of Thailand
and if you don’t understand
why I’m making these connections
in random directions
with cool rhythmic inflexions
its because I’m a post modern poem maker
like Harry Dub Dub Dub Baker
with internal double rhyme in double time
making the puns dance in abundance
so that it almost sounds like rap
when you write a poem about someone’s Gap
Year
so
today we’re appealing—
who this man from
South Ealing
he
is so hip
and we all know
because its all on show
his trousers hang so low
the only person you know
who wears his pants under his underpants…
and
he drives
a car which is a KA
he can’t afford a big car
but he can afford a Ford KA
in which he drives his friends round the bends
when he drives them to the action
he drives them to distraction
for there is no limit to his need for speed
but fortunately there is limit to how far
you can push a Ford KA
with your foot on the floor
in the middle lane of the M4
In
Woolongong
He won’t have his KA
But he will keep his passion for fashion
because he understands
the importance of brands
yes he’s a brand new man
he’s a brand new man
he wears the brands that he can
he’s a Super Guy in Superdry
he’s not a zombie or a bitch
he’s Abercrombie and Fitch
he wants to be menley
so he’s seen in
he’s holistic in Hollister
and a weasel in Diesel
and when he walks into the room
you know he’s so well groomed
everyone will stammer and stutter
at the aroma of body butter
he packs oceans of emotions
in his bag of potions and lotions
so when you get an email from the east
you need to know
that Joop Go is not the name of
a Vietnamese dissident Christian
And
this man who loves history
is going to search out the deepest mystery
to find the truth in his youth
about the colour of his hair—
is it dark or is it fair?
It’s not a natural shine
because he’s Matt, not gloss
one thing is for sure
about his well tended coiffeur
he’s no dumb blonde
but we can’t tell yet
about this beautiful brunette
if he is really ginger
or are they only auburn highlights?
Matt
you’re going
to the tropic and the topic is the gospel
which at that latitude is not a platitude
but an attitude of gratitude
it won’t be no game of cricket
you’ll have to bat on a sticky wicket
we don’t want no slips
we don’t want no bail
don’t come back as ashes
we don’t want you to fail
you’ll be hit for six —
and its not over till its over
but like St Peter at Pentecost you must stand up
with the eleven and be
bold
Matt
Read because you dare
you know that prayer will get you there
but money is what you need today
so pay on the button or the nose
check or credit
there now I’ve said it
it’s not a gift it’s an investment
not money down the drain it’s not a pain
it’s a gain
don’t evade it, Gift Aid it
you pay to Read, right? that’s your education
for saving an Asian nation
with this YWAM sensation
make a big donation
without procrastination
and I can end this rhyme
with a result that’s sublime
and let’s get Matt Read out of this country
for a very long time...