WordsOut poems
by
Lines
written in praise of Michael and Kate Coulson
on the occasion of
their departure from
I dedicate my ode
to Mike and Kate Coulson
for whom in praise
I could not be more fulsome.
Two great
Caledonian people, and who dare say they are not?
For though Michael
claims to be a Geordie, by temperament and by marriage he is certainly a Scot.
As they leave us
for the great city of
Taking their three
boys James, Andrew and Sam.
They will first be
remembered as those two brave souls
Who chose to
reverse their domestic roles
And Kate it was who
went out in the profession of law to work
But Michael as
househusband did not his duties shirk
For surely the
stress of being a solicitor
Is more restful
than spending the day picking up Hula Hoops from the floor
(Though Kate hasn’t
yet found, it is sad to tell
A way to let
Michael do the giving birth bit as well).
And it was a bold
step as I do propose
For someone as
macho as Michael to have chose
And yet who would
dare think himself superior
To a man whose job
had once been selling Guinness in
For at every stage
of Michael’s career
He has always
retained a strong connection with beer
And when to the
great metropolis he came with his lovely wee bride
It must be said
that pride in
And no member of
clergy could resist the charms
Of a staff meeting
in the Foresters’ Arms
For he has been a
deputy church warden here since nineteen hundred and seventy three
Or at least so it
seems to me
And several members
of the PCC
(Although there was
a brief period of backsliding which few people names
when they sneaked
off to worship at St James).
And Kate the
Climbers for so long did faithfully teach
And at the piano
did grandly play
On many a happy
service I am bound to say
Though mostly it
was on Sunday evening
where her skills
will be sorely missed now that they are levening
For she even knows
what those wee black dots and lines on the paper mean
which is more than
can be said for many of the St Johns Music Team.
Now Mike’s manner
was sometimes gruff, but let it be known throughout the planet
That beneath this
rough exterior beats a heart of pure granite.
If Michael had been
one of the twelve that Jesus chose
He’d have been the
one arranging the seating for 5000 to sit in rows.
A handyman, an
estate agent and a tough negotiator
(Though he’d buy
you a pint of Directors’ later)
And he kept a cool
head when choosing vicars
Where many others
may be getting a twist in their knickers
And he knew
something no-one had ever known in
That was the right
key for every single door
(Although it is
said that one night his concentration slipped
And
But he did not have
to do all this alone as we have found
For St Johns has a
caretaker who lives underground
And between Michael
and Gary the teamwork was plain
The Batman and
Robin of
They would furnish
the buildings and fit burglar alarms
So none of the
staff might come to harms
And yet when the
hard work is done and the time comes to play - Oh
Then Mark Sheard
the church warden arrives in his Alpha Group Romeo
And takes all the
glory with his smooth manner and terrible shirts
And the real heroes
never get their proper deserts.
Yet his greatest
achievement, we will say with feeling
Was to fix the
clock of
For many years time
had stood still
From the days of
Stan until shortly before the coming of Will
You never knew if
you were late or soon
For it was always
either midnight or noon
(Though some did
say, and this seemed churlish to me,
That this was
normal in the CofE).
But Michael did
tackle diocese of
And made sure they
would pay the Billesden
And he supervised
the workers almost every day
To make sure they
finished without delay
And he was not
above cajoling and scolding
Especially those
who erected the scaffolding
So much that they threatened
to sue everyone in sight
And things were not
settled until Mark Sheard stepped in with his impression of Madeleine Allbright
But Mike’s diligent
labours did get their reward
And time moves on
again now the clock has been restored
So whene’er we look
up at the
We will remember
them with deep and grateful feeling.
So let us all give
thanks for Mike and Kate Coulson
For whom in praise
I could not be more fulsome.
Read at a morning service at