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Stanley Dakin's Broken Hearts Club Band

for Stan and Judith Dakin on their departure from St Johns in 1992 to work in Kenya, with apologies to Lennon and McCartney. Watch video, converted from the original shaky hand-held VHS tape.

Stanley Dakin's Broken Heart's Club Band  
to the tune, fairly obviously, of "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band".

It was twenty years ago today
Stanley Dakin taught the church to pray.
He's been going in and out of style
but he manages to raise a smile,
so let me introduce to you
the final tribute of our show
it's Stanley Dakin's Broken Hearts Club Band! 

We're Stanley Dakin's Broken Hearts Club Band,
we hope you will enjoy the show.
We're Stanley Dakin's Softly-Spoken Broken Hearts Club Band,
we've got let our vicar go.
Stanley Dakin's Broken
Stanley Dakin's Broken
Stanley Dakin's Broken Hearts Club Band 

It's wonderful to be here, it's certainly a thrill
you're such a lovely Reverend
we'd like to take you home with us
we'd like to take you home—  

I don't really want to spoil the show
and I'm sorry that you've got to go
but the singer's going to sing a song
and he'd like you all to sing along
so let me introduce to you
the one and only Raymond Read
of Stanley Dakin's Broken Hearts Club Band!
Raymond Read
 

Money
for church treasurer Ray Read.

The best things in life are free
but I'm a member of the PCC
so give me money (that's what I want)
that's what I want (that's what I want).
That's what I want, that's what I want.

Your sermons give me a thrill
but your sermons don't pay no bills
so give me money (that's what I want)
that's what I want (that's what I want).
That's what I want, that's what I want.

Yeah give me money (cash or covenants)
that's what I want (cash or covenants).
Yeah money (save 25 per cent)
that's what I want (cash or covenants).
That's what I want, that's what I want.
  

I Wanna Hold Your Hand
The pastoral care team at St John's.

Oh yeah I'll tell you something
I think you'll understand
when I say that something—
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
 

I know a place where you can meet me in a while
No-one will see us when we're praying in the South Aisle 

So if you've got a problem
or if you're feeling down
just call, ask for Judith
or Wendy Kennett-Brown
or David Kennett-Brown
(Anyone Kennett-Brown).

Angela Cooper

Church Administrator, to the tune of "Eleanor Rigby". The church notice sheet was always referred to as "the pink leaflet" even though its colour changed regularly according to what was most in stock.

Ah! look at all the lonely people

Angela Cooper
picks up the pieces in church where the service has been
lives in a dream—
look at her working,
writing the words of a notice that no-one will read—
how her heart bleeds

All the old pink leaflets, where do they all come from?
All the old pink leaflets, where do they all belong?

Aah, look at all the yellow leaflets!
Aah, look at all the salmon leaflets!
 

With a little help from my friends
for St John's music group. This was Ringo's song in the Beatles, so of course it had to be Clive's.

What would you do if I sang out of tune
would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
and I'll try not to sing out of key
 

oh I'll get by with a little help from my friends.
[increasingly discordantly]
I'll get high with a little help from my friends.
I'll get by with a little help from my friends
with a little help from my friends.

Hello, Goodbye
The Eldership at St Johns. 
 
I say yes, you say no
You say stop and I say go go go
You say goodbye, I say hello
(etc etc...)

I feel fine

Childrens work at St Johns. Stan, normally the most gracious of men, was known for strongly encouraging members of the congregation to remove fractious children from earshot at the earliest opportunity. Karen Taylor-Burge was responsible for childrens' work at the time. There had been a series of adventurous sport-themed "all-age" services, in one of which a game of cricket was played down the nave of the church, on the appropriateness of which the opinion of the congregation was divided. 

Babies in the aisle, you know they're screaming all the while
you know I said so—
babies in the creche and I'll feel fine!
When they get the urge take them to Karen Taylor-Burge
you know I said so—
babies in the creche and I'll feel fine!
 

When I preach I need to read my script
but I can't think till the kids are in the crypt...
 

Now it's Family Service Rave,
they're playing cricket in the nave, you know I said so—
put me in the creche and I'll feel fine!
Climbers in the crypt and I'll feel fine!
Lead me to the coffee and I'll feel fine!!

Clap and dance

Charismatic worship at St Johns, to the tune of "Twist and Shout". The mime artist John Persson was one of the group of performers, musicians and writers who were members of St Johns in the 1980s and early 1990s. 

Well shake it up Stanley now,
clap and dance!
C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon Stanley now,
take up that worship stance.
You know you praise so good—
lift your hands to the sky.
Come on and get out your glasses now
and we will magnify.

Well shake it shake it shake it Stanley now,
Clap and dance!
C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon Stanley now,
come on and give me a chance.
I'm gonna sing and shout,
I'm gonna praise the Lord,
I'm gonna write a brand new worship song
if I can learn another chord

Well shake it up Stanley now,
clap and dance!
C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon Stanley now,
show how the clergy can prance!
You know you move so good,
just like a John Persson mime—
come on and kneel a little closer now,
it's Communion time!


Hey Jude

for Judith Dakin, going to do pastoral care work for Mission Aviation Fellowship (MAF) in Kenya. Stan felt wholly at home in east Africa, but Judith was more apprehensive. The first verse of this is not on video.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad,
you were made to go out together—
remember all change brings losses and gains,
we've got the drains
but you'll have the weather.

Hey Jude, don't be afraid,
you will find that it's easy really—
the minute you let it into your heart
than you can start speaking Swahili.

And any time you feel the pain
Hey Jude refrain
from making your world a little colder.
Don't you know the MAF have not been deaf?
They're waiting to cry upon your shoulder...

Hey Jude don't feel too bad,
if you find you're in need of healing,
if ever it feels like it never ends
you know you've got friends
back here in Ealing Ealing Ealing Ealing Ealing...

Na na na na na na na na na na Hey Jude 
 

Mattock Lane

for church army captain Geoff Clarke and his wife Jo (who ran the "Snips" toddler and baby clothes and equipment shop), curate John Hereward, the ladies of the church kitchen and caretaker Gary Fenton, to the tune of "Penny Lane".

In Mattock Lane there is a captain with a uniform
and you can often find him in the crypt below
where his wife will buy your babygro
if you need a change 
(very strange)

In Mattock Lane there is a curate with a family
and in his pocket is a comb he doesn't use
and the curate never wears his shoes
in the pouring rain
(very strange)

Mattock Lane is in my ears and my eyes.
There beneath the blue and Kenyan skies I sit
and meanwhile back
 

in Mattock Lane there is a place for soup and sandwiches
and Joan and Doris are the rulers of the scene.
They like to keep the kitchen crockery clean—
it's a clean tureen—

In Mattock Lane there is a man they call the caretaker
and every day you'll find him vacuuming the floor
except on Sundays when he's out the door
off to Haven Green
(very mean)

Mattock Lane is in my ears and my eyes—
there beneath the blue and Kenyan skies I sit
and meanwhile back
Mattock Lane is in my ears and my eyes— 
there beneath the blue and Kenyan skies

Mattock Lane.

When I'm 64
the video tape ran out at this point... 

When I get older, dyeing my hair
many years from now,

will you ever miss me at Communion time?
Break that loaf and pour me some wine.

What kind of act will follow my lead
when I walk out that door?

How good will the show be
when I'm in Nairobi
when I'm 64?
 

Every summer you could send an ordinand or two to stay
if it's not too dear— 
ask the PCC.
And if you covenant
the tax comes back to ME!

Do me a survey, drop me a line,
stating point of view:
meditate precisely when you kneel to pray:
"Yours sincerely, wasting away.
All is forgiven, wish you were here,
please come back once more..."
If you need me just pass a
note to Mombasa
when I'm 64!


Performed in 1992 at Stan and Judith's leaving do at St John's, West Ealing. The band (from left to right on the video) were Clive Mackenzie-Joseph (drums), Jonathan Pagden (in Lennon granny glasses, bass), Donald McRobbie (guitar), Godfrey Rust (guitar) and Adrian Jones (plastic inflatable guitar), with occasional handclaps from Jo Whitfield and Susie Brann.

Adapted lyrics mostly written by Godfrey Rust with contributions from the other performers, and with apologies to Lennon and McCartney. The guitar wizardry of Donald McRobbie was most responsible for creating a passably authentic early Beatles sound.  

Stan had been vicar at St Johns for 10 years and was leaving to take up one last job for the Church Army in his beloved East Africa before retirement.

Thanks to Jon Pagden for finding and coverting the video, and Adrian Jones for still having a copy of the words...