wordsout by Godfrey Rust                                       Occasional pieces for St Johns  HOME  



Sounds of Stanley

from sometime around 1990 during Stanley Dakin’s time as vicar, a group of spoof Paul Simon songs, sung with curate Justin Mote for a church weekend entertainment.

Heavenward Bound
to the tune of "Homeward Bound"

Preached a sermon on Predestination
Got a rocket from the congregation
Ooooh
All my points were badly missed
I’m glad that I’m a Calvinist
I find it really comforts me
To know my failure’s meant to be.

Heavenward Bound
I wish I was
Heavenward Bound
Heaven…where’s there’s no more crying
Heaven…where’s there’s no more dying
Heaven…we can all stop trying
to please everyone…

Each day goes from bad to worse
With letters from parishioners
This one says St Paul was wrong
The next one says I preach too long
It really leaves me in the dark –
I wonder if there’s any room in the Ark? 

Heavenward Bound
I wish I was
Heavenward Bound
Heaven…where my thoughts are rushing
Heaven…where the praise is gushing
Heaven…where’s there’s no discussion
of theology…

Feelin’ Holy

To the tune of "Feelin Groovy"

Slow down, you move too fast
Make the evening service last
Sing that chorus one more time
Wavin your hands and feelin’ holy… 

Bridge Over Troubled Water

When you’re weary, feelin’ small
When tears are in your eyes she will dry them all
She’s on your side
when times get rough
and Judith can’t be found
like a bridge over troubled water,
Wendy Kennett-Brown
like a bridge over troubled water,

Wendy Kennett-Brown. 

The Curate

to the tune of "The Boxer", dedicated to Justin Mote

I am just a curate and my wardrobe’s very old
I have squandered my subsistence
on a trip to Marks & Spencer with my credit card
All ties and vests
still a man wears what he wants to wear and disregards his chest*

Asking church of England wages I’ve come looking for a job
and I got this offer
and a five bedroom house with airconditioning
If you want some proof
take a walk up to my bedroom
where the air comes through my roof…
*I stole these two lines from Geoff Shattock. I've no idea who he stole them from.

Fifty ways to preach a sermon
to the tune of "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"

The problem is all inside your head she said to me
The answer is easy, take it theologically
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
there must be 50 ways to preach a sermon

Don’t stay in the dark, Mark
Make a new plan, Stan
Don’t pretend to be deaf, Geoff
Just listen to me
Don’t be a slob, Bob.
Don’t think that I’m rude, Jude
Just keep on trustin, Justin
and get yourself free
 

If you are worried that your thought might be too secular
Or if you're afraid you might be troubled by a heckler
just choose some words that no-one knows but Robert Lechler
he uses 50 new ones every sermon
 

Just find a good quote, Mote
Look up the text next
Take a quick peek at the Greek
Just listen to me
Find three points that better
Especially if they start with the same letter
Just crib from John Stott, clot
and get yourself free!

Backslidin’ Away
to the tune of "Slip Slidin Away"

Backslidin’ away
Backslidin’ away
You know the greater your reputation
the more you’re backslidin’ away.

I know a man, his name is Stan
To go from Africa to Nettlebed to Ealing and be vicar was his plan.
His reputation is so widespread
The calls are so extensive that his parish has become the world instead.

Backslidin’ away
Backslidin’ away
You know the nearer your consecration
the more you’re backslidin’ away.

He met a woman, became his wife
She was the very one the Lord gave to Stan Dakin for the makin of his life.
He said “Judith, I live in fear
my need for you is so overpowering I’m afraid that I will one day disappear”. 

Backslidin’ away
Backslidin’ away
You know the nearer your sedation
the more you’re backslidin’ away.

Backslidin’ away
Backslidin’ away
You know the nearer your cremation
the more you’re backslidin’ away.

The Sound of Stanley
to the tune of "The Sound of Silence"

Hello Sunday my old friend
I’ve come to hear from you again
because a sermon softly creeping
reached the seat where I was sleeping
and the vision that was planted in my brain
still remains
within the sound of Stanley.
 

And in that vision there I saw
ten thousand people, maybe more
people singing in Swahili
dressed up as captains of the Church Army
people singing “God of Glory” fifteen times
(no – sixteen times)
within the sound of Stanley.

 “Fools”, said I “you do not know
vicars come and vicars go”
but the song that they were makin'
was dedicated to Stan Dakin
and the song said “the words of the prophet
are spoken in Mattock Lane
now and again”
especially in the sound
of Stanley.


Performed with Justin Mote ("The Curate") at a St Johns Parish weekend, I think at Ashburnham.