wordsout by
The
ballad of Flatfoot Dave watch video
for Flatfoot's birthday, March
2012. A talking country song in the style of "Big John".
Well I‘ve run
all
around this lonely town
for thirty years
I’ve put these trainers down
I know every blade
of every park
I know my way across
the Common in the cold and the dark
but one day as I
trailed thru Gunnersbury
I was minding my
own, feeling quite merry
they drew up beside
and said “how do you do?”
Well I looked and I
saw a rugged man
and he spoke as only
the Irish can
he
said “I see you
set a pretty pace
but you should know
we’re cleaning up this place.
There’s too many
people running aimless
and we think that
kind of thing’s just shameless
and so soon if you
want to be running legal
you’ll have to become
an Ealing Eagle”.
so I joined this
group that very day
and soon I found it
was quite revealing
what amazing people
run round Ealing.
There was a girl who
did Tough Mudder while drinking wine
and a man who stops
busses with his ribs on the line
but the king of them
all, the free and the brave
was a giant of a man
they called Flatfoot Dave.
when
he swallowed
you could follow the gel going down—
but
there was nobody
else in that running club
who could run so far
on such unusual grub.
As UltraMan he takes
the cup—
he
uses marathons
for warming up—
and
when he feels
his muscles start to tighten
instead of a stretch
he’ll just run to Brighton—
that’s
Flatfoot Dave
He’s a learned man
who knows his books
and he’s a handsome
man with boyish looks—
At his school they
say, Monsieur Dave, la la,
he has that certain je ne sais quois
and he
sure has
style when it comes to attire
the hat and the
shorts and the…things he wears higher —
let’s
just say that
the Flatfoot Line
isn’t quite a Stella
McCartney design,
its Uniquely Dave.
He is the mover and
shaker of Trail-Don’t-Bail
and he’s first to be
last when it comes to tail
He can pace you to
the second if you want a PB
and he’ll be king of
volunteers at Gunnersbury
but if you’re
running on a Saturday at 9 21
and you’re closing
on a personal best Parkrun
and you think you got
him finally beaten and then
here comes Theo on
wheels—and you’ve
been buggied again
By Flatfoot Dave!
So when its time for
the social down at the New Inn
and its your turn to
get the food and drinks all in
just remember two
things: he don’t eat meat,
and he does it all
with naked feet…
that’s Flatfoot
Dave.
Well Dave my little
tribute song’s all done
at your ripe old age
of 31
and Ruth’s to blame
for this small surprise
but you can sort
that out with her away from our eyes
so raise your
glasses from your chest—
we’re
here because
you’re one of the best—
Happy
Birthday,
Flatfoot Dave!
Performed
in an Ealing hostelry for Flatfoot's 31st birthday. Video
recorded by Sandra Courtney.