WordsOut poems by Godfrey Rust  | collection Occasional pieces for St Johns  | home       


 

Joan's birthday picnic
for Joan Hills on her 75th birthday, to the tune of "Teddy Bear's Picnic".

If you go down to the church today you’d better go in disguise
you’ll find Joan Hills is looking around for something to organize

              a trip in a coach for which she'll take charge
              or maybe a creche for Little and Large

for any event she thinks it is meant for a picnic. 

When you see Joan you have to look twice, cos she’s wearing a different hat,
and she lives alone, well truer to say, she shares her house with a cat
              but that’s not at all, don’t go up the stairs
              for if you do you’ll be caught unawares
for that’s the place the teddy bears have their picnic. 

Bedrooms full of teddy bears,
the little teddy bears are having a wonderful time today.
Joan loves all her teddy bears,
she likes to talk to them and take them away on holiday…
Well there’s nothing strange in that
a lot of people imagine that cuddly toys are alive…
it's just they usually find out the truth round about the age of six
and don’t go on till they’re seventy-five. 

If there’s a social event coming up and you want to be entertained 
you can count on Joan to amuse with her music she’s never been classically trained
            but she’ll do a song with Dorothy King
            (there’s nothing racy that they cannot sing)
the Monday Fellowship isn’t always a picnic.

But when it comes to catering
that is the place in which she’s unchallenged queen of her domain

think of the cholesterol
that’s made a feature of the thicker vicars of  Mattock Lane
!
You just want a cup of tea
but have a flapjack a sandwich a brownie and I have a hunch
you’ll be at the mercy of Joan’s bread pudding if you don’t watch your step
so stay away from the Drop In Lunch. 

If you go down to the church today, you’d better go carefully
for everyone is gathered because of her three-quarter century
              she’s seen them come, and she’s seen them depart
              but they all have a place in her great big heart
for when Joan’s in the room there can never be gloom but a picnic!


Performed in the lounge at St Johns on April 7th, 2001.